Picturing Dad (Father’s Day)
Whether you’re a fan or not, I’m sure that many of you may be familiar with comedian and TV personality, Roy Woods, Jr. In his book, The Man of Many Fathers, Roy shares the many pieces of advice he received from other men besides his father and several of the lessons he learned along the way because of their direct or indirect influence on his life. In the book, he recalls an encounter he had with another comedian friend of his in an airport. His friend was frantically trying to find the perfect Father’s Day card to give to his dad once he got off the plane.
The friend asked Roy his opinion on several of his card choices. Roy had no convincing responses. Finally, out of frustration, the friend asked Roy, “What kind of cards do you get your dad for Father’s Day.” That question knocked Roy back on his heels as he couldn’t think of a single time where he had purchased or even made a card for his father.
Roy says,
It was the first time as an adult when I actually had to stop and think about what my relationship with my father was like.[1]
Well, that’s what I want us to do today. I want us to think about the roles our own fathers, father-figures and mentors have played in our lives and how they have influenced us. Think about the role that you are playing in the life of your own kids or the kids who look up to you. Think about the role you would like to play in each of their lives.
The Word of God gives us many different pictures of dads and whether your dad was out of the picture, in the picture, or perhaps he was the one taking the pictures of your life we can all learn valuable lessons about the kind of fathers, father-figures, or mentors we want to be and ultimately, the kind of Father God has been to us.
Out of the Picture
I want to begin by focusing on those of us who grew up with our fathers out of the picture for whatever reason. I’m starting here because society often tells us that children raised without their dads in the home are unlikely to achieve much or they are destined to live a troubled life. I want you to know that this is not at all true.
While an absent father has no direct influence on a child's upbringing, his absence can certainly shape that child's life. Nevertheless, it is entirely possible for these individuals to enjoy the same positive life experiences and successful futures as those who grow up with their biological fathers present.
In the United States of America - 21% of children - that’s about 15 million kids, live in homes where the biological father is out of the picture.[2] Many factors contribute to these numbers. It could be as a result of death, divorce, desertion, among other potential reasons.
It might surprise you to learn that many of our Biblical heroes had dads who were not present at the time of their upbringing and their stories provide a clear message of hope for those of us (me included) who grew up without a biological father in the home.
Let’s begin by looking at a few Biblical figures whose dads were out of the picture and see what we can learn from their experiences.
Moses
While Moses is widely recognized as one of Israel’s greatest leaders, details about his father are relatively scarce. We know from Scripture that his father was named Amram, a member of the tribe of Levi—the same tribe as Moses' mother, Jochebed (Ex. 6:20). According to Exodus chapter two, we are given a brief glimpse into the circumstances surrounding the first three months of Moses' life.
Exodus 2:1–4 NIV
1 Now a man of the tribe of Levi married a Levite woman,
2 and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son (Moses). When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months.
3 But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile.
4 His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him.
Well, we also know that Pharaoh’s daughter eventually claims Moses as her child and raises him as her own with Moses’ mother serving as a wet nurse for her own son. The sovereign hand of God was at work in the shadows of a dark situation to bring about a glorious outcome in Moses’ life.
Exodus 2:10 NIV
10 When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses, saying, “I drew him out of the water.”
Instead of getting his education about life from his father, Moses grew up in the palace of Pharaoh being taught by him and other Egyptians.
Acts 7:22 NKJV
22 And Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and was mighty in words and deeds.
Moses’ father, for the most part, was out of the picture.
Samuel
Samuel was Israel’s first official prophet after the time of the judges. Like Moses, he too grew up with his father out of the picture.
1 Samuel 1:22–25 NKJV
22 But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, “Not until the child is weaned; then I will take him, that he may appear before the Lord and remain there forever.”
23 So Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to you; wait until you have weaned him. Only let the Lord establish His word.” Then the woman stayed and nursed her son until she had weaned him.
24 Now when she had weaned him, she took him up with her, with three bulls, one ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord in Shiloh. And the child was young.
25 Then they slaughtered a bull, and brought the child to Eli.
And Eli, not Elkanah, raises this boy Samuel in the presence of the Lord.
Esther
Esther, whom God raised up for “such a time as this” in order to save the nation of Israel from complete genocide grew up with her father out of the picture as well.
Esther 2:5–7 NKJV
5 In Shushan the citadel there was a certain Jew whose name was Mordecai the son of Jair, the son of Shimei, the son of Kish, a Benjamite.
6 Kish had been carried away from Jerusalem with the captives who had been captured with Jeconiah king of Judah, whom Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon had carried away.
7 And Mordecai had brought up Hadassah, that is, Esther, his uncle’s daughter, for she had neither father nor mother. The young woman was lovely and beautiful. When her father and mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.
Jesus
Finally, Jesus had no biological father either. When it was announced to Mary that she, a virgin, would conceive a child before having sex with a man, this is how she responded.
Luke 1:34–35 NKJV
34 Then Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I do not know a man?”
35 And the angel answered and said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God.
The point of not having a biological father is made clearer by Luke’s words that it was “supposed” that Joseph was His dad, which we know isn’t true (Lk. 3:23). Despite the fact that none of the Biblical characters I mentioned had a biological father in the picture, the psalmist reminds us of a powerful truth that we can realize in our own lives if this is the case for us.
Psalm 27:10 NKJV
10 When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me.
Now, none of the people I mentioned had fathers who abandoned them, and yet God still cared for them proving the words of the psalmist to be true and He will do the same for you.
Psalm 68:5 NKJV
5 A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation.
How did God take care of these Biblical figures even though their fathers were out of the picture?
He placed other men in their lives who could and would lead them in knowing who God is and how to walk in His ways. Oh sure, Moses grew up in the Egyptian palace, but once the Lord called him his older brother Aaron was there to assist him. Not only that, but his father-in-law, Jethro, helped him as well.
I can’t begin to tell you how many things I have learned from my father-in-law that have helped shape the man that I am today. There are so many men in my life whom God has used to shape and guide me. He has done that for many of you as well. My encouragement for all of us, is to find a man or a group of men that you can pull up next to and learn from who will help shape you into the man God has called you to be even if your father has been out of the picture.
In the Picture
Well, what about those of you whose dads were in the pictureas you grew up. Or those of you who are currently in the picture of your family. What does it mean that you are in the picture of your child’s life? Is it enough just to be present? Like taking a selfie. Are you satisfied with just being there or do you want to have a godly impact in your child’s life?
We see, in the story of Eli and his sons, a dad who is no longer having an influence in the life of his children. In 1 Sam. 2:22-25 we learn of all the evils that Eli’s sons had performed. Verse 25 says that they did not heed the voice of their father and the reason was because God desired to kill them. What we also learn is that Eli, who may have had a change of heart in his old age (v22), had sinned alongside his sons. He was in the picture, but he had lost his influence.
1 Samuel 2:27–29 NKJV
27 Then a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Did I not clearly reveal Myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt in Pharaoh’s house?
28 Did I not choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be My priest, to offer upon My altar, to burn incense, and to wear an ephod before Me? And did I not give to the house of your father all the offerings of the children of Israel made by fire?
29 Why do you kick at My sacrifice and My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling place, and honor your sons more than Me, to make yourselves fat with the best of all the offerings of Israel My people?’
And Yahweh, through the mouth of the prophet Samuel, speaks these words against Eli,
1 Samuel 3:13 NKJV
13 For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them.
A classic parenting verse is Prov. 22:6
Proverbs 22:6 NKJV
6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Now, this isn’t to say that if you teach and train your kids to follow the Lord that they will do everything right. However, as it relates to Eli and his sons, Yahweh seems to imply that Eli had an opportunity to redirect his sons and he didn’t do that.
Fellas, it is not enough to just show up at recitals and ball games. It’s not enough to just be home when your kids get home or uber them from one place to another. Buying them all the cool things they want or taking them on once-in-a-lifetime trips here and there doesn’t meet the calling that God has placed on us as fathers.
I’m not sitting up here as an authority on this subject. I’m telling you things that I have learned from not having my own dad around and from the mistakes I made with my daughter who has completely cut off our family.
Jon Tyson reminds us of an unmistakable truth,
Somebody is going to disciple your [child]. Somebody is going to give your [child] wisdom on how to live, and it’s either going to be you and a community of godly men...or it’s going to be the world. Your [child] is going to become someone - [They are] going to grow up. [Their] character will be formed by someone.[3]
And that “someone” should be you guys.
Dads, it is important for us to be in the picture for sure if we want to have the greatest influence on our child’s life. Remember, 15 million kids in the United States live in homes where dad isn’t in the picture. But guys, God hasn’t just called us to be in the picture. He also wants us to be the photographers for our families?
Taking the Picture
My father-in-law is an incredible photographer. He has a keen eye and understanding for what makes for a good picture. Some of you are talented in that way as well. That isn’t the case for most of us.
Everybody has a camera nowadays, but not many of us know how to really use one. We haven’t quite figured out the art and skill of taking good pictures. According to one photography site, there are at least five skills every great photographer needs to have.
Technical - These include proficiency in camera operation, understanding of exposure, and mastery of camera focus.
Interpersonal - Building strong relationships with the people you’re photographing.
Equipment knowledge - understanding how to use various camera equipment, lenses, and accessories to achieve the desired results in different shooting scenarios.
Creativity and Vision - the ability to visualize and execute creative concepts.
Editing - this is what you do after the photograph has been taken in order to ensure the best possible outcome.[4]
One of the reasons we aren’t good at photography is because it is an investment. It takes time and intentionality and we aren’t committed to the process of growing in that area.
A dad who is present in the life of their family is vitally important. You show up for your kids and that’s good, you’re in the picture. It’s fun to take selfies. If all we do is take selfies, then we will miss a huge piece to capturing the image of our family’s future. But a dad who is taking the pictures of his family is a dad who is guiding, framing, and modeling the way of godliness for them. This requires a sense of direction and intentionality on your part.
Ephesians 6:4 NKJV
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
This is the New Testament equivalent of Prov. 22:6.
Proverbs 22:6 NKJV
6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
One of the ways we train our kids is by taking the pictures that will become the images they reference throughout life about who they are and who they’re becoming. This is what I mean by guiding, framing, and modeling.
Let me give you an example.
During VBS I had the privilege of taking the group photo to capture what an incredible ministry had taken place during the week. As I stood on the ladder looking out at the group I wanted to capture the best possible photo so I gave instructions about where and how to stand. I moved people around so that everyone could be seen. I adjusted the camera lens to focus on what I wanted in the picture. (Show VBS pic)
In a similar way fellas, we get to do that with our own family.
The Rechabites from Jeremiah 35 are a great example for us to learn from.
If you’re not familiar with the Rechabites, they were a nomadic family and descendants of Moses’ father-in-law Jethro. By ethnicity, they were Kenites, however, by covenant, they were full-fledged Israelites because of their faithful commitment to Yahweh.
One day, Jonadab the son of Rechab, decides to step out of the picture of his family that he’s been in, so that he could get behind the camera lens. He instructed his family about how they were to live in the land framing an image of their futures that had not existed before.
When the prophet Jeremiah, by Yahweh’s instruction, tested these people to behave in ways that did not reflect the image their forefathers captured for them, this is what they said,
Jeremiah 35:6–10 NKJV
6 But they said, “We will drink no wine, for Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, commanded us, saying, ‘You shall drink no wine, you nor your sons, forever.
7 You shall not build a house, sow seed, plant a vineyard, nor have any of these; but all your days you shall dwell in tents, that you may live many days in the land where you are sojourners.’
8 Thus we have obeyed the voice of Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, in all that he charged us, to drink no wine all our days, we, our wives, our sons, or our daughters,
9 nor to build ourselves houses to dwell in; nor do we have vineyard, field, or seed.
10 But we have dwelt in tents and have obeyed and done according to all that Jonadab our father commanded us.
I told you about the Bible study I’m doing with my boys and some of their friends from school. That all came about because I realized, like most of the dads I talk to, we are all concerned about the people our kids are becoming. We all have these unsettling desires to see our kids grow into the men and women God has created them to be. We worry probably as much as mom does, it just looks different. Well, since I was concerned about their spiritual lives and the messages they were receiving from outside of my house, I decided one day to stop worrying about it and instead I determined to do something about it. If my kids are going to be discipled, I need and want to be the person doing it.
A dad who is the photographer for his family is a man who operates in the spirit of Joshua.
Joshua 24:15 NKJV
15 And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Dad, it’s good to be in the picture of your family, to show your support and love, to be there when they need you, but we also need to get behind the camera lens and help frame the picture that will become the images they reference throughout life about who they are and who they’re becoming.
Respond
The NBA finals were electric! Wemby and the San Antonio Spurs against Jalen Brunson and the New York Knicks. If you’ve seen the recent movie “The Goat”, this was a real-life version of that movie. The Knicks pulled off the greatest comeback in NBA history and were crowned NBA finals champs after taking it to the chest of Wemby and the Spurs in game 5.
In a post-game interview after the upset, Jalen Brunson and his dad Rick were asked to share their thoughts on the series and Jalen’s basketball career. Jalen’s dad was asked by one of the interviewers what he is most proud of when he thinks of his son, Rick didn’t hesitate to say that he was proud of the way Jalen carries himself. Jalen interrupted his dad mid-sentence to say,
“Thanks mom. That’s 100% my mom.”
Whether that’s true or not it says something incredibly powerful which is all too common in many families. What I saw captures an image of many dads today. You’re in the picture, but you’re not having an influence. Fellas, it’s not enough to just be in the room with our kids. We need to be actively involved in shaping who they are becoming.
Well, Jalen and his dad have a beautiful relationship. After the win, when Jalen saw his dad, he got very emotional. Those emotions came from reflecting on how the whole thing started for him.
"Everyone sees the videos of me and him in the park, and like, yelling at me, getting on me, but no one saw the conversations after the fact or before, saying, you know, 'Is this what you want to do for a living?'"
"And the answer was always yes," he said.
"Everyone thinks he kind of forced basketball upon me, but it was something that I chose to do, and he had the study guide, he had the blueprint," Jalen said.[5]
As a dad myself, Jalen’s words in that post-game interview convicted me. I do not want my kids to say the same thing about me. That the men they have become is 100% because of mom. I do not want to rob my kids of my influence because I didn’t take my role in their lives more seriously.
It is vitally important men, dads, grandpas, father-figures, mentors that we aren’t just in the picture of our child’s life. It takes more than just being present.
We must get behind the camera to guide, frame and model what the future looks like for our kids.
Let me say this to wrap things up.
Maybe God seems “out of the picture” in your life. I want you to know that this just isn’t true! I want you to know that the Bible says, God is an ever-present help in times of trouble. And He promises that when you seek Him with all of your heart you’ll find Him. The part about “all of your heart” is what trips many of you up. You are half-hearted in your searching for God. He’s there my friend. And when you go all in, you’ll find Him. Or, there may be some of you who would honestly say that God is in the picture, you go to church on occasion, you serve, you got a few Bible verses memorized, but you’re not really committed and for that reason God doesn’t really have influence in your life. You’re the one calling the shots. I want to challenge each and every one of us today to allow God to become the Photographer of our lives. Allow Him to get behind the camera of your life to guide and frame your future in Christ.
If you don’t know Him this morning, His Son, Jesus wants to introduce you to Him.
That’s where it all begins.
[1] Roy Woods, Jr. The Man of Many Fathers, p3.
[2]Census Bureau Releases New Report on Living Arrangements of Children (https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2022/living-arrangements-of-chldren.html).
[3] Jon Tyson, The Intentional Father, p56.
[4] 7 Essential Photography Skills for Success (https://shotkit.com/photography-skills/).
[5] Jalen Brunson talks showing respect to the Spurs, hard lessons from his dad and not losing his cool - CBS News (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jalen-brunson-dad-spurs-knicks-nba-championship/).
